INSTRUCTIONS TO CHECK THE OIL ARE DIFFERENT FOR MEN AND WOMEN

Oil check instructions for WOMEN:
1.- Drive into ULTRA TUNE when the odometer reaches 10.000 kilometres since the last oil change.
2.- Drink a cup of coffee and read a free newspaper.
3.- 15 minutes later , write a cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil change ....... 40 dollars
coffee................ 2 dollars
TOTAL: ........... 42 DOLLARS

OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN:
1.- Wait until saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, a filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, and then write a cheque for 50 dollars
2.- stop by the bottle shop and buy a slab of beer , write a cheque for 40 dollars, drive home.
3.- Open a beer and drink it.
4.- Jack the car up. Spend thirty minutes looking for jack stands.
5.- Find jack stands under the caravan.
6.- IN frustration open another beer and drink it.
7.- Place drain pan under the engine.
8.- Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9.- give up and use crescent wrench.
10.- Unscrew drain plug.
11.- Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil on you in process. Curse and swear.
12.- Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13.- Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14.- Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15.- Give up, crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16.- Crawl out from under the car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly, hide old oil filter among rubbish in wheely bin to avoid environmental penalties.
17.- Drink another beer.
18.- Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
19.- Dump first litre of fresh oil into engine.
20.- Remember drain plug from step 11
21.- Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
22.- Drink beer.
23.- Discover that first litre of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
24.- Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
25.- Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
26.- begin swearing fit.
27.- Throw stupid crescent wrench.
28.- Swear for additional five minutes because the wrench hit a bowling trophy.
29.- Beer
30.- Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
31.- Beer
32.- Dump in five fresh litres of oil
33.- Beer
34.- Lower car from jack stands.
35.- Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
36.- Beer
37.- Test drive car
38.- Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol
39.- car is impounded
40.- Call loving wife, make bail.
41.- 12 hours later get car from impound yard

MONEY SPENT:
Parts .........................50 dollars
DUI........................... 2.400 dollars
Impound fee............ 75 dollars
Bail............................ 1.500 dollars
beer .......................... 40 dollars
TOTAL: .......................4.085 dollars

But you know the job was done right!